I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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