I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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