I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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