if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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