Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
