I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
