to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
