I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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