if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
