Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
