Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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