he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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