forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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