She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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