wakey wakey hands off snakey
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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