absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
