All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
