i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i now understand why vodka
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
