youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
