it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
