I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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