Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
