she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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