she kept yelling 'call me bella'
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
