How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
