kristin has been a bad kristin
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Alive.
So much puke
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
