I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
