i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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