in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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