u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
