I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
