hotel room ftw
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
