lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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