He uses pillows to masturbate.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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