I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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