I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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