no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
