dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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