dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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