My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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