I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
