Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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