i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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