The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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