I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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