listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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