remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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