I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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