he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
