We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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