The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
